I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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