It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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