AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
