Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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