Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
