Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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