I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
