Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
