Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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