remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
