I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I checked into jail on foursquare
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
