i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
