I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize