I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
