Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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