Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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