Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
