Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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