I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
