dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
