reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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