I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
