I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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