New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
