YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
