Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
