After last night, I could never be a politician.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
