New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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