mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
