Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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