Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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