At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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