Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
