its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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