Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
