the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
