Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
