You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
