You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
