Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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