On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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