mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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