I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
