i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
