I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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