Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize
