he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
