Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
