Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize