Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
MIDGETS
????
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
