just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
