U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
