I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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