Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
