Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Do vagina's smell?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
