there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
