I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
