I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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