She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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