Can i not drive my cunt home
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
