Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
