He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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