Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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