Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
