I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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