Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
