Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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