the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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