i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
