I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Randomize
