Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
