just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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