covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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