He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
