Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
