Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
