I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
