Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
