i need an iv and a liver transplant
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
