wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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