her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
