I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
