this beer tastes like vomit already
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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