omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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