White coat. Heels.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
