He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
