there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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