So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
