yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
