girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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