Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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