And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
