did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
